This is my opinion on the sexual marketplace, what are high value men and why incels exist
The sexual marketplace
The sexual marketplace is the total number of women and men who are open to meeting for sex, dating or marriage. As like every other free market place each individual has a value and that is determined by what others operating in the marketplace want. It’s for this reason you get the terms ‘high value man’ and ‘high value women’.
Going back in history, your survival as a woman literally depended on finding a strong man. You needed a man to hunt and bring home the resources to keep you and the children alive. It’s for this reason that the strongest men were able to keep several wives whilst a surprising number of men throughout history didn’t have a single woman.
As monogamy became the societal norm, in parts due to the introduction of Christianity. Women were expected to still find a man and men were expected to only have one wife, regardless of their power or wealth. But a woman still had nowhere near the amount of resource a man had, they were also in general less educated with fewer rights. So as a woman living in a society that expected you to get married, in one that you probably still needed to get married to have a reasonable quality of life and, in a society, where there was no internet or access to travel, it was easy to settle for the man that lived in your town, village or Church. As long as he had a job and showed he was capable of carrying out his duty as a man to provide. This was the bare minimum for most men.
Now in 2022, women are graduating at a higher rate than men, women under 35 make more than men and they have access to trains, planes and the internet. A woman does not need a man to survive. Yes no one wants to be alone, also most people want children, but a woman doesn’t have to settle. In the west there isn’t as much of a cultural pressure to get married as there was just half a century ago, so if given the choice of either settling with someone they have no attraction to or staying single in the hopes of finding the perfect, amazing guy, most women would choose the second.
The advent of the internet, especially social media and online dating also has a huge part to play. In the past a woman’s only barometer of a worthy man was what she could see with her two eyes, usually in her Church, workplace or town. Now they have Instagram, online dating, the idea of a good man is gathered from a wider pool. They see the very best men out there and use that to set their standards. As a modern man it’s no longer okay to just have a job and promise to work hard to provide. She can provide for herself.
So, what has this got to do with the sexual marketplace? It all comes down to the value of the man and where he lands in the natural hierarchy.
Previously to be seen as someone worth marrying, as mentioned you just needed to have a job and show that you can be responsible in providing for any prospective wife and child. That’s not enough now. Most women can survive on their own, you’ll need to offer more as a man. Before, the marketplace was limited by geography, making it easier to stand out in a small pool. Now with the internet the marketplace is in effect the world. A response to this might be that, when using dating apps women still set limits on prospective partners by location. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t see what the quality of men are like around the country and use that to set standards for men in her town.
No one, especially women don’t want to feel like they’ve settled. No one wants to be told their partner isn’t high value because they are a representation of yourself. To be considered high value in the marketplace, as a man you need to meet the height requirement, possibly looks, fitness, income and personality. And because hierarchy exists, especially in a competition, only the top ten to twenty percent of men will meet those standards. And it’s those same men that get all the attention from all the women.
Why do incels exist?
Incels are men who describe themselves as involuntarily celibate. They have a deep resentment of women and men that they deem successful with women. They believe modern women don’t want nice or good guys and just go for rich good-looking guys who will treat them horribly.
And incels have a point…to a degree
Historically, a huge majority of jobs were manual labour. There were no office, finance jobs that women could do as well as men. Most jobs were physically strenuous and were mainly available to men. They were dangerous jobs and paid more than roles that women typically had. In addition, the pill and safe abortion hadn’t been created, inventions that gave women a greater deal of control over their ability to reproduce. So almost all men, especially since the introduction of monogamy that had a regular paying job, got a wife, had kids and as a result those men had a purpose to live.
Now, a lot of jobs are automated, manual jobs don’t often pay as much as professional office-based jobs do and according to research women are doing better in most office jobs than men. It leaves a lot of men working a bland low paid office job that garners little respect or working manual jobs that pay less than what most women do. These men are no longer desirable, needed and therefore become invisible to most women. They have no chance in the modern dating landscape where women have set their standards based on the top twenty percent of man they’ve seen. Unfortunately, this leads me to my third point.
Why incels will continue to exist and will likely grow in number (even if they start calling themselves something different)
A pushback against the incel culture might be for them to stop feeling sorry for themselves and do better. And I agree, as much as we dislike the idea, so much of life is about competition. However, hypergamy still exists.
Hypergamy is the tendency for women to want to date men who are as and preferably more educated, makes more money, taller and stronger than them. Research has backed this up, even as the women get more educated and highly paid, they’re still looking for someone on their level or higher. And men still want to date women are younger and physically more attractive than their level. We have had thousands of years of culture and evolution; a few decades after the invention of the pill isn’t going to change our genetic makeup.
Because of the natural hierarchy of things, there will always be top twenty percent of men who are the best looking, funniest, have the best personalities, richest and tallest. They are universally attractive to most women and for those women to go below the standards these men set is seen as settling for a mediocre boring life. No woman wants to settle, they’re empowered to seek out their destinies and pave their own path to happiness, settling is the worst thing they can do. This leaves a group of men behind, who will always be the bottom 50 percent of men. It doesn’t matter how much you tell them to work hard, self-improve and do better…There’s only a few positions available for the senior manager or CEO and you always need someone to clean the toilets.
The development of modern travel, online dating and social media has widened the pool and given women sexual access to universally attractive men. A high value man on the other side of the country can easily fly a girl over or travel to meet girls who don’t necessarily live close to him. In addition, dating apps and social media are platforms that act as a catalogue of women looking for guys like him. High value men are in demand, when you consider the number of men who are in shape, 6ft and above, have mature intelligence, great personalities, live a good lifestyle, make good money and are charming. You are talking about less than 10 percent of men. And as with the laws of a free marketplace, whoever possesses what is in demand usually has the power to dictate the price.
What usually happens with these types of men is that they can act like men naturally do, which is sleep with as many women as they want. When it comes to sex men aren’t as picky as women. The standards men set for wives isn’t the same as the standard they set for just casual sex, a man doesn’t even have to like the girl to sleep with her. I’ve been in the company of men who describe a girl they are sleeping with as ugly but she’s available and good in bed. However, they are able to continually do it because women in the marketplace have marked them as high value.
The problem is, when a woman sleeps with a so-called high value man, she uses him as a standard for potential future partners. Anything less than him, becomes settling. You often hear women call men pigs, complain about the behaviour of men, but the truth is they’re likely sleeping with the same type of men and friend zoning the guys who have shown they will be dedicated to them because quite frankly those kinds of guys can’t get any other girls. And we all know women aren’t attracted to men that aren’t attractive to other women.
High vale men can act how they want, they have the power because they know they can find another girl willing to sleep with them. Incels know all this, they are aware of the reality of what women want. It’s why they’ve given up hope, its why they resent women who continue to sleep with so called high value men that use them for sex and break their heart. A lot of guys don’t identify as incels, but most struggle to find girlfriends and partners, so whilst not being incels, most guys understand the mindset of incels.
Another reason incels will continue to exist is because of porn and videogames. Before you roll your eyes and label me old-fashioned, hear me out. There are two things that drive men, sexual satisfaction and a sense of achieving something. In the absence of being able to find a woman or have a purposeful job, porn and videogames have stepped in to fill those voids.
Porn allows you to scroll through a variety of women, choose whatever fantasy you want and get sexual gratification at the end. Video games gives you the sense of working at something and when you win or complete the game, you get a sense of achievement. It’s why video games often have rewards, challenges and even trophies. Video games and porn have stepped in to fill in the gaps that real women and real purposeful jobs would have existed in. What it means for incels is that they have no motivation to actually improve themselves. And with the development of meta and virtual worlds, the issue is only going to get worse.
I don’t think being an incel is a good thing, I think you’ll give yourself a better chance if you look after yourself and focus on your career as a man. To me that’s a better choice than spending all your time complaining on the internet, watching porn and playing video games. But incels get a bad rep from mainstream media that only wants to ridicule them instead of helping them. Incels are mentally damaged, depressed individuals. Mocking ridiculing and ostracizing people never works, it only makes them go deeper into their ideology because it’s the only place they find comfort and understanding. Only a small percentage of incels encourage violent against women or support what self-described incels like Elliot Rogers did. Like with any group it’s the extreme fringe that gets the attention and gets to define the group. But this is wrong, most decent people know not to label all Muslims terrorists because ISIS exists.
The mindset of an incel can’t be fixed by just saying get better and stop feeling sorry for yourselves. In society we often call for men to be more vulnerable and let out their emotions more. I’ve never understood this, men show vulnerability and emotion all the time. Watch a football game, or just go on a night out, watch men around an attractive woman, or a man at the birth of his child, go to a wedding and watch the groom or watch a man get bad news about a job application. The way we men show vulnerability is often by acting out, it comes across as immature, awkward and our emotions are often released in the form of aggression. What people mean when they say more men need to show their emotions is that men need to express their emotions in the same way women do. But men and women aren’t the same, therefore prescribing the same medicine will not be as effective. I think the fallout of a society failing to understand men and demanding they act like women is possibly evidenced by the rising rate of suicide amongst young men even though we supposedly live in a more progressive open society.
Women need healthy strong men and vice versa. To neglect men’s issues and troubles in the name of feminism or bringing down the patriarchy is to take the same attitudes that those very people claim to fight, the attitude of “you’re a man, stop complaining and get on with it”. If wider society don’t want to take note, then the manosphere industry will continue to grow and create men who develop unhealthy and dangerous solutions to deal with the problem.
The Incel community is just one fall out of the wider modern dating and relationship issues. The growing number of depressed older single women, number of children been born to single parent families are some of the other fall outs that have been identified. Perhaps one that has not been spoken about as much is the return to old ways of non-monogamy. Some promote this idea because they believe human beings aren’t meant to be monogamous. I have always found this argument to be a terrible one. There are a lot of things that come naturally, but as humans we strive to be better than animals, we administer a degree of self-control for the survival of our species. A monogamous family has proven to be the best environment to raise healthy children, both physically and mentally. No matter how rich a man is, he can only protect one family at a time, he can only be with one family at a time.
People don’t settle if given the choice. A man with wealth, looks and resources will try to have as many women as possible. And women will try to get the best guy possible. Often when people talk about a world before monogamy, they fail to mention that in that world it was a few powerful men who got all the women, and the women were happy to share those powerful men.
As for high value men, undoubtedly many people won’t like the idea of their existence or the way they act. In a free sexual marketplace, they are only that because it’s the women that have given them that title. The hyper focus on men with money who can provide a certain lifestyle is unhealthy. Yes, we can argue that those men should exercise self-control and be monogamous. I agree. However, it still leaves plenty of women going after those same guys because of those so called ‘high value’ qualities and ignoring the other 50 percent of guys because he’s not tall enough or making enough money despite having great shared values like loyalty, morality, dedication to raising a family and principles.